This year, I found that I had more time due to being more prepared at school and also because I finally learnt how to manage my time better. But that meant more time for my anxiety and my overthinking nature to take over. Time is my natural enemy. I complain daily that I don't have enough of it, but then when I have it, it sets off some sort of primal fear in my brain, phrases like "You're wasting time!" or "You're not doing enough with your time, that's why you're bored" or even "You're not working hard enough if you have time to do nothing!"
So instead of drowning in my own thoughts and fears which I have done so many times before, I took on meditation.
I don't mean sitting on the ground saying "Ommmmmmmm" and remaining deathly silent and still, but instead, I decided to write as my form of meditation.
I've always been creative, ever since I was young and I enjoy using my creative energy as much as possible. As I grew older however, I stopped having this creative outlet because the "real-world" told me to be serious and to work hard and put away childish things. So I did...and I suffered for it.
I truly believe that a lot of my clinical anxiety that I've had since I was a child was a result of limiting my creative energy and forcing it to stay within me. So this year, I decided to stop doing that and I started to write.
Now the interesting part is that English is not my first language. Having been born in Hong Kong and knowing no English until age 8, I have always been told throughout my whole life that I am not good at English and that I never will be because I am not a "native-speaker" (Even though I feel more confident with English these days than my so called "native tongue").
So when I decided to write, a terrible self-doubt overwhelmed me and I nearly didn't start. Instead of allowing my negative self-talk to take over, I decided to look on the bright side instead, I mean what is the worse thing that could happen? That no one reads my book? That people laugh at my horrible English? So what? Why was that so bad? At least I tried!
And you know what? I'm damn proud of myself!
Clearly I am a novice writer and this is a hobby of mine rather than a serious profession, so I hope you enjoy it, I'll release a little Chapter each week or so and any feedback would be great :)
Let me know what you think, any criticism welcome and I look forward to hearing from you all!
